Jokes from IMH

Joke 1

Patient A:
"So how... this book not bad yah?"

Patient B:
"Yah agree, excellent! Astounding work. No nonsense, sharp and concise to the point. But there's a major flaw in this piece of art – too many character names to remember!!!"

Nurse:
"Hey! Can the two of you put the telephone book back to the original place?"
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Joke 2

A doctor asked a patient: "If I were to cut one of your ears off, what will happen to you?"

Patient: "Then I will not be able to hear..."

Doctor: "Hmm…that's normal...so if I were to cut your other ear off, what will happen then?"

Patient: "I will not be able to see..."

The doctor became nervous and asked: "Why would you not see then???"

Patient: "Because my spectacles will fall off..."
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Joke 3

A nurse saw a patient writing a letter. She got curious and went to take a peek. But the patient didn't wanna let her see.

Nurse (unable to contain her curiosity): "Who are you writing to?"

Patient: "I'm writing a letter to myself..."

Her curiosity grew and she thought to herself (Why would someone write a letter to himself?) So she asked again: "So...what's written inside?"

Patient (got impatient): "You crazy-ah? I haven't received the letter, how would I know??"
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Joke 4

Two patients escape from the IMH. They climbed up a tree and one of them fell from the tree and started rolling on the ground.

After a while, the patient below shouted to the one on top: "Hey! How come you are not coming down yet?"

The patient on top replied: "No. no...I can't...I'm not ripe yet"
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Joke 5

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH. He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down.

When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One patient happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself,since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple
problem...no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..."

Here’s what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"

The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at the IMH?"

Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"~

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一個從事特種工作男人的告白

最近真的好累，真想遠離現在的工作，
真羨慕街角擦皮鞋的老伯，有一技之長真好！

很多人瞧不起幹我們這行的，
認為我們只須『一舉之勞』，就有錢可賺，
可能你也這麼認為吧！
講幾個我的親身經驗，
希望你能體會我們的痛苦與感受！
到我們店裡消費的客人以中年婦人居多，
前天有個母夜叉型的客人，她的那裡奇臭無比，
我第一次插入時，她突然大吼一聲，嚇的我立刻拔了出來，
這騷婆冷冷地瞪了我一眼後，居然抓起我的槍，自己插了進去！
我那時整個人呆住了，好像時空倒流到小學四年級的一堂數學課，
耳邊一次又一次地傳來：『這麼簡單都不會，去罰站！』

幹我們這行的，安全措施不可少，否則很容易染病的。
得病！我們怕，客人更怕！
有個祖母級的常客，起初常質疑我用舊的套子，
後來乾脆每次都自己帶套子來。

我也接過男客，不要懷疑，是男的！
外表看來很斯文，聲調帶點娘娘腔。
因為他那裡太緊，抽出時，套子卡在裡面，
後來我用夾子小心地將套子夾出，只見套子前端黏著惡臭的屎，
害我差點把午餐吐了出來。

當然，運氣好時也是會碰到年輕貌美的小姐。
我就碰過一個日本美女型的小姐，
不但長得像AV女優白石瞳，配合度又高，
完事後，還連跟我說了好幾聲謝謝！


不聊了，有客人上門了，
準備提槍上陣去了

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小姐您好，歡迎光臨，我先幫您量一下耳溫

[ 誰的權力大 ]

一天，黃夏留教授與兩位朋友一塊兒喝酒。酒至半酣，
這兩位為了誰的權力大吵了起來。一位是環保局的，
另一位是計劃生育辦公室的，吵得不可開交，黃教授連忙和稀泥，
說：「兩位別吵，你們的權力都夠大的。」

對第一位說：「你呀，上管天，下管地，中間還要管空氣。」
說得這位洋洋自得。

老黃看第二位臉上就要掛不住，趕緊接著說：
「你呢，更厲害，不管天，不管地，專管他的生殖器。」